2007-07-17
Finally New
I know it's been forever since I left an entry here.Just to update you...
I had a baby boy on May 24th.
He was 7 lbs 4.2 oz and I love him to death.
Of course, I was (am) completely unprepared as a mother.
But I am learning.
However slowly it might be.
And I truly do love the little guy.
I'm back at work (2 jobs now) and really wishing that I could find a job somewhere that paid me enough that I only had to have that one job.
I've seriously been thinking about maybe enlisting, just to be able to get that experience and that paycheck.
But I'm conflicted.
I want money and time to give my little boy everything he deserves. I don't want him growing up the way I did, having nothing, moving from place to place, always worrying if there would be enough money to buy food after we paid the bills, if there was enough to pay the bills. But I don't want to leave him to go away to training or worse, be shipped off somewhere for 2 years.
I'm just hoping that somehow, sometime soon the answer will just appear before me.
I'm so stressed out about money and bills and deadlines and having enough time to squeeze in the gajillion things I have to get done today...I just need to breathe. It will all be okay. I just need to let the world come to me instead of chasing the world. That's something my Nana always told me when I was upset...usually about that grade on the test or not making the lead role in the play. Close my eyes and breathe. The world will work itself out.
But sometimes, even I doubt her advice.
I'm sorry if I let you down.
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