2003-03-09
Lists For You
And so another day passes. Another day in the eye of the sun without sunscreen. Don't ask. I won't explain. Lol. I have some wonderful lists to add for you. Here we go:
Top 5 Things I Love About Working in the Restaurant Buisness
5) No matter what position you start out in, you will always be upgraded in at least six months.
4) The oh-so-sexy-and-slim aprons.
3) The incredible way that no matter what phrase you say, it can always sound dirtier than real lingo. Example: Would you like...cheese on that?
2) Continuous chances to practice your "happy face" and unimproved "acting skills".
1) The employee discounts on food that, once seeing how it is made and where it is made, you wouldn't even consider eating at all.
Top 5 Rules Needed To Survive as a Waiter/Waitress.
5) Never address your customers as Sir or Ma'am...unless you are 150% sure that they are one or the other.
4) Always offer your customer dessert. If they decline, offer a slice on the house. They'll tip you more, and buy a slice every time after, if it's as good as you're pitching it to be.
3) Never say bad things about the host/hostess behind their backs. They control the customers you get, and will screw you over at the first opprotunity.
2) Always tip the cook and the bus-staff. They can make life hell for you if you mistreat them.
1) During slow hours, always have as much fun as you can. When you're up to your neck in customers, you can look forward to those hours of "pancake-face" and "pin-the-tail-on-the-customer".
Top 5 Reasons Why Cheesecake Is Adored by the Masses
5)Just the name, makes you hungry for two different treats at the same time.
4)The silky smooth feeling as it slides down your throat.
3) For some *strange reason*, it always makes you think of sex.
2) The wide variety of appropriate toppings.
1) Because no matter *who* makes it...it will always taste better than dirty socks and orange juice. [if you can relate to this...I pity you]
9 Things I Hate About People *warning: inappropriate language*
9)When you are at a bus stop waiting for the bus, and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here, dumbass?
8)When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?
7)When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it?! If it's new, then there's never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, there must have been *some* piece of crap before it.
6)People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
5)When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?!" No, loser. I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.
4) When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
3) When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Damn straight! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
2) People who are willing to get off their ass and search the entire room for the remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
1) People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
Ten Reasons to Go to Work Naked
10)No one ever steals your chair.
9)Gives the phrase "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8) Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
7)People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6) You want to see if it's like the dream.
5) To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.
4) "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3) Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
2) Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
1) And...drum roll...the #1 reason to go to work naked: Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.
Words of Wisdom
1)Give a person a fish, and it will feed them for a day. Teach that person how to use the Internet, and they won't bother you for weeks.
2) Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3)I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
4) Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday...lying in a hospital dying of nothing.
5) The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had a real fight going on.
6) Haven't you noticed that now that everyone has a camcorder...no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to.
7) According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. Women say the first thing they notice is that men are liars.
8) Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9) All of us could take a lesson from weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10) have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
11) In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now, the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
12) Polotics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to the conclustion that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.
13) There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is
another theory which states that this has already happened.
14)How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
15) You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally,
but they hung around on their expired visas, for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and
those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration.
16) Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already
know everything.
17)Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a
while... it isn't so hot.
18)If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't
tell who the sucker is, it's you.
19)I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
20) Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
21) Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
Hope you all enjoy them.
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